


Shards

by RedheadSlytherin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Build, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-28 21:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3869854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedheadSlytherin/pseuds/RedheadSlytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You stepped to Bucky, he gave you one of his typical smirks. You hugged him too. "In twenty years." He whispered into your ear. You nodded trying to hold back the tears."</p>
<p>15 years after she last saw her best friends Steve and Bucky. Now she is stationed in the 107th as a british liaison, where she has to lead a squad with a certain soldier in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is the first part of a rather long Fanfic. I really hope you like it!

 

1927:

The last day of summer was always the most fun one. You and your two best friends went to the big tree behind your parents’ house and play the whole day.

 

 "C'mon Steve! Hurry!" Bucky shouted. "(Name)'s already there!" The boy ran the last feet until he reached you. You were already swinging from one of the branches, smiling wide. "Don't wait for me, just go on. I will catch up." You heard Steve's voice from the little path.

 

"Race to the top of the tree? I wanna know if you can break my record." Bucky nodded without hesitation. "But you have to come down here. No head start for you this time." He pleaded.

 

"Oh c'mon, I thought you are a gentleman, Bucky." You whined, then took a big swing and jumped off. He crossed his arms as you landed beside him. "I am a gentleman, but you're not a lady, besides it isn't fair. You are as good as me."

 

You hit his arm jokingly. "Say I'm not a lady one more time and you're gonna regret it." He rubbed his arm. "Oh I am sooo scared. You're not a lady, (Name), you don't even have a dress." 

 

You hit him again, a bit harder. "I have a dress." You lied. "You just haven't seen me in it." Actually your mother always wanted to buy a dress for you, but you always argued with her until you didn't have to try it on.

 

"Okay then I want to see you in it. Show me that you are a lady and I won't deny it." He said, thinking he had won. He knew most of the time when you lied, same as you knew when he did.

 

You hesitated. "Tomorrow. But anyway just let us start. Okay, ready, steady, go…!" You were on the tree again before he realized that you just started the race. He mumbled something and followed you up the tree.

 

Of course you won, laughing at him. "You have to be faster to get me, Buck." He mimed the offended one and turned his back to you. You dangled your legs from the branch you two were sitting on, from up here you could see the first floor of your home. The window to your room was the only one facing here.

Since he learned to Bucky had always climbed up here and waved you when you were grounded again, for something that was always Bucky's idea. You had opened your window and talked with him until he had to go home.  

 

Steve and Bucky were living in an orphanage near your home. Steve’s mother wasn't dead but she couldn't take care for him. You had met Sarah Rogers many times, she was a really great mom, nice and caring, she just hadn't the time to and money. She visited Steve at least once a week and always brought candy for all of you.

 

Steve finally arrived at the tree, waving at you and Buck. "Come down here!" He shouted. "No, you come up!" Bucky answered, laughing. Steve was scared of heights and would never come up here.

 

You pinched Bucky. "Ow!" He turned to you and pinched you back. But you didn't respond to it. "Don't be so rude, James." You said, already on your way down. You always called him by his real name when he was mean to you or Steve, although he didn't meant to offend anyone, it was just his humor.

 

"Hey Steve!" You jumped off the last branch. He had a black eye again, he always picked up fights. That was the way you met him and Bucky.

 

_One day three years ago, you were seven, you walked down the street the orphanage and your home was in carrying the groceries you had bought for your mother. You were proud she already gave you such important tasks. You were the only girl your age in the block, the orphanage was a restricted boy’s orphanage, but they were allowed to go out, as long as they didn't messed with someone or ran away. You had heard shouting from one of the darker allies, around the corner. Your mother had forbidden you to go alone in one of those, but your curiosity was too big. If things would get too risky, you could still ran away._

_You could see two of the older boys, living in the orphanage. They held one boy your age up against the wall. "You wanna say that again asshole?" One of the boys said. "You two would make a lovely couple. When is your wedding?" The blonde boy said, and grinned. He was puny and small, not beneficial for a bigmouth. „Guys that's normal. Same gendered love is okay. „The other one hit him again. “ Are you little bastard saying what I think you..." The boy interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "Dunno. You don't seem very bright to me." Gosh, he was asking to get beat up. You weren't sure how to react, but it was for sure that he would get seriously injured if you wouldn't interfere._

_"Stop it, dickhead!" You said to the one, who was reaching out for a punch. You didn't know what dickhead meant, you had heard one of the orphanage boys saying it, but it seemed to fit. They let go of him and turned to you. “What did you say?“ Their reaction fueled your courage. They thought you were a boy. With the a little bit too big pants and the bonnet, that was hiding your long (h/c) hair, you looked like one of them. “You heard just right, pal." You said. They approached you slowly, you took a few steps back, but your back hit the wall behind you. One of them smacked the bonnet from your head. Your hair fell down to your shoulders, they looked confused while you grinned satisfied. Guys never thought that a girl had the guts to meet them face to face._

_"Dude, I won't beat a girl up." The other one said. "What if a girl beats you up?" The adrenaline floated through your veins and made you cheeky. They clenched their fists._

_Aaaaaaand over with the courage, you had thought._

_"Hey! You wanna get in serious trouble, guys? 'Cause that's how you get kicked out." Another guy, also your age, but not as small as the blonde guy, walked up behind them. "Piss off, Barnes, that's none of your business." The boy rolled his eyes. "Guys she's the daughter of the British soldier living in the big house at the end of the street. You don't wanna get on his bad side." You had never seen him here, how could he know who you were?_

_The boys looked back at you. You nodded. They grunted and left, not without bumping into your savior on purpose and kicking the bags of groceries down. The content scattered all over the floor. "I could have handled it on my own, but thank you." He offered you a hand to help you up, but you got up on your own and walked over to the blonde boy. "Are you okay?" You asked. He was rubbing his arms, where the boys had hold him up. "Yeah, that wasn't the first time for me. Thanks." He smiled. The other one walked to you. "James Buchanan Barnes, at your service. But you can call me Bucky, (Name) right?"_

_"How do you know that? I've never seen you here." He smiled proudly. "Observation and patience." You scanned him. He had blue eyes and brown hair, one of his teeth was missing and his clothes were dirty. "Well then, how did you get them angry like that, Steve?" You looked at the blonde boy, while you picked up your bonnet and put it back on._

 

Now Steve smiled. "Hey (Name)." You touched the bruise. "Oh Steve, not again?  Why do you always need to pick up a fight? What is with yesterday, the big guy, wasn't that enough?" Living with Steve, as his best friend, must be like having a chihuahua with aggression issues, for Bucky. He was always the one to carry the can for Steve’s fights. "Worth it." Steve said and grinned again. You shook your head. He showed you his tin soldiers. "Wanna play? You and me against Bucky?" Bucky landed beside you. "Why is it always me against you two? Maybe I wanna be in the team too!" Bucky complained, looking to you. "Alright then. You guys against me." You said. He looked disappointed, presumably he had hoped to play with you together.

 

You three played until evening. Then your mother came and told you to go home. "Please, mom just an hour." You begged. "Yeah, please Mrs. Clarke. Just give (Name) an hour." She smiled at Bucky. "I am sorry James, but (Name) has to help me with dinner. Say goodbye to your friends, (Name)" You pulled a face and said goodbye. You took your mother’s hand, and she guided you to your home.


	2. In 20 years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend listening to this song while reading. ===> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGEw2EJyx3Y  
> Sorry it's just a life version of the song, but I think it kinda adds the right mood.
> 
> I really hope you like this part! Please let me know if you do!

You and your parents said at the dining table, eating the dinner you and your mother had cooked together. Music was slowly playing in the background. "How was your day sweetheart?" Your mother looked at you. "Cool. We played war again. I won." She sighed. "Honey I told you how I think about this game. Why can't you play family or something like this? Something that fits more for a lady." She always wanted you to be more feminine, to wear skirts, to play with dolls and to go shopping with her. "Darling, if she wants to play war with the boys, than let her." Your father was proud that you were not like the other girls your age and supported you. "But Robert, she won't find a man if she dresses, talks and plays like him." You knew that she only wanted the best for you, but in her opinion that meant, for you to be more feminine. "She's only ten, Hannah. She doesn't needs to find a husband just yet." It wasn't the first time your parents argued about this matter. "Mom…" You twitched her sleeve. "I need a skirt. Do you have one that fits me?" She looked at you confused. "Of course, Dear. But why so suddenly?" Both now looked at you awaiting your answer. "I need it."

 

It was time to go to bed. As always your father picked you up and carried you, over his shoulder to bed. Your mother had picked three skirts you could wear, ignoring your arguing that you only needed one. Your father laid you down in your bed and pulled the blanket over you, so that it was covering you up to your chin. He sat down beside you and petted your head. "(Name), do you know why I am working here in the states and not in the UK?" He brushed a strand away from your face. "You are the connection between the US Army and the Armed forces."

 

That was one of the first things you had learned. "Did you know that the liaison was timely limited to fifteen years?" You nodded. "You know, that time is now over. Honey, we are moving back to England." He smiled apologising. "But my whole life is here! My friends, Bucky and Steve!" Shocked you looked at your father. "But (Name), you will find new friends. London is wonderful, you'll see." Tears ran down your cheeks. "I am sorry, but it's an order, I can't just say no. If they want me back I have to go." You turned away from him so he couldn't see your sobbing. He caressed your back. "The mover will come tomorrow. The day after is our flight. You are already signed off from school so you have time to pack your things and say goodbye to your friends." You didn't want to answer. "Good night, you're a good girl (Name), you'll make me proud, you always do." He hugged you from behind and left closing the door behind him. Left alone in the dark, you let your tears run.

 

The next day you had already packed all your things and sat on the tree, watching the strangers dismounting your furniture. You twitched at the wide skirt you were wearing, it was white with (f/c) flowers. It wasn't as bad as you thought, it's loose fit allowed you to do all the things you wanted, without it getting in your way. Maybe you would wear more of them in England, you had decided that it was time to change, to be a girl, more like your mother.

 

 "(Name)? Are you up there?" Bucky shouted from the ground. "Yeah, give me a sec. I'll come down!" You saw him shaking his head. "No need! Steve got grounded again, wait a minute." He climbed up, you draped the skirt over your knees and held it down, so he couldn't see your underwear while he climbed up. "Okay I get it. You're a lady." He said, smiling. He took out a deck of cards. "Wanna play?" He showed them to you. They weren't all from the same deck, some were just replaced with rectangular pieces of cardboard, on which you had drawn the images. "Nah, I'll pass." Bucky scanned you concerned. "What's wrong with you? Are you sick? The (Name) I know would never leave out a chance to beat me." He touched your forehead and cheeks to control your temperature. "Stop that, Buck." You moved his hand away. "It's just … my mother says that I won't find a husband if I keep playing games for boys."

 

You looked to your window again. The strangers where finished all that was left was your bed, Bucky followed your gaze. "What happened to your room?" He looked at you and back to the window. "Where moving away." You said monotonously.., "Where?" You felt the tears rising up in your eyes and tried to blink them away. "London." You bit your lip, you weren't going to cry in front of him. "London, like in 'London, capital of England'?" You nodded, you couldn't say anything without bursting into tears. "How long?" A tear was rolling down your face. You turned away and hid it from him. "I guess that means forever, then." You nodded again. He laid a hand on your shoulder and let you calm down. He didn't say anything, just sat there waiting. You appreciated it, more than he thought.

 

"Well then… we need to make this the best day we've ever had. You know… for you to remember what great time we had together. It's just sad that Steve can't play with us, but I will tell him everything in detail, he will be soo jealous." You looked at him, enjoying his warm temper, he always knew how to increase your mood. "And you know what? We'll start with these." He pulled out the tin soldiers. "While we're eating these." A crumbled paper bag appear out of his pocket too. You always wondered how he fit all this stuff in them, but never questioned it. He opened the bag, it was filled with lots of different gummies. You snatched out a red, strawberry flavoured gummibear and threw it in the air, catching it with your mouth. A move you had to practice much, until you could actually catch anything. He applauded as you chewed it happily. "Let's get down I want revenge for yesterday."

 

"Bucky... I meant what I said." You looked at him apologisingly. "You don't have to care about this now." He climbed down, without waiting for your answer. "But, Buck…!" You jumped down to the next branch and followed him. As you landed on the ground he was leaning against the tree. "Come on. Why does this bother you now?" He was looking a little bit angry, or was it jealousy? "Because of reasons." You crossed your arms in front of the chest. He shook his head, pressing his lips together. "(Name), you’re the funniest, nicest and smartest person I know! Every boy would be damn lucky to have a girl, which is nearly half as perfect as you."

 

You were stunned. He had never said something like this to you, 'til now. You could feel the blush raising in your cheeks. "Are you sure?" You asked. "Hell yeah." He grinned again. "You know what? I will marry you! Now and if in twenty years no one was smart enough to take you, we will do it again, officially. We won't tell anyone not even Steve" He took out two sour gummirings with apple flavour and showed them to you. "Sounds good to me." You said.

 

He gave you one ring and took your hand. "I start. I, James Buchanan Barnes, take you, (Name) Clarke, as my future wife. I will be true to you in good and in bad times, in sickness and in health." He put the ring on your finger. "Now's your turn." He whispered. "I, (Name) Clarke, take you, James Buchanan Barnes, as my future husband. I will be true to you in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health." You put on his ring and slightly blushed. He grinned. "You need to kiss me now." He pledged. "What?!" You let go of his hand and tripped back. "It doesn't counts if you don't kiss me! Ever seen a marriage ceremony without a kiss at the end?" You admitted that he had a point. You leaned forward slowly and kissed him on the cheek, turning red as a tomato. You giggled and stepped back. He smiled proudly, took your hand and put a tin soldier in it.

 

The day was over way to soon. Bucky held his promise to make it a legendary day. You two had made all the things you had enjoyed most, but couldn't do with Steve, such as swimming, climbing from tree to tree or eating as many candy as you wanted (Steve always got sick after a few). But still you wished he could be with you, he was missing something important and both of you knew it.

 

When it was evening, later than usual, your mother came to pick you up. You hugged Bucky and said goodbye. "When are you leaving, Mrs. Clarke?" Bucky asked politely. "10.00am feel free to come over, James." Your mother said and smiled. He laid a hand on your back and went home with you.

 

It was morning in roughly an hour you and your parents would get into the big vehicle and drive off to the airport. Bucky and Steve hadn't showed up yet and you began to worry they wouldn't come. "Stay patient, honey. They'll come." Your mother sat down beside you on the window ledge. "I'm absolutely sure they'll come." She smiled and looked out. It had gotten colder today, as if even the weather was sad that you left. "Hannah? I need you over here." You heard your father calling from downstairs. "I'm coming!" She kissed your forehead and left the room.

 

You nearly had given up your hope, as you heard little stones flying against the window. You opened it, seeing Bucky sitting on the tree. "Are you gonna come down or what?" He asked grinning. "Thought you wouldn't come." He shook his head. "I wouldn't leave down my wife, would I?" You ran downstairs past your parents. "Sweetheart, I want to see you here again in half an hour, okay?" You ran towards the door. "Okay, mom."

 

You arrived at the tree quickly, where Bucky and Steve were awaiting you."Hey." You didn't know what to say, what do you say when you have half an hour left with your best friends, which you'll never see again? "Hey (Name), Buck told me." Steve said. He didn't know what to do either. You bit your lower lip.

 

Steve stepped forward, he was hiding something behind his back. "Umm… we made this for you, I.… it's not much but we had just yesterday evening." He gave you a little notebook. In it were images, you three playing war in the dirt or laughing together. You remembered that most of them were taken by Steve's mother, when she came to visit you. Every now and then there was a leaf or a coin glued to the sites, little treasures Bucky had collected, once in a while even a drawing from Steve, he was very talented. The last one was your favourite, it was an image of Bucky on a branch reaching out under him for someone, who wasn't on the picture. It was detailed and looked exactly like him.

 

You wiped away a tear from the corner of your eye and looked up to them. "Thank you, guys, that's… thank you." You fought with yourself.

 

They came to you and just hugged you, not saying anything. "I will never find friends like you." You whined. "We will see you in the future (Name). Someday." Bucky said and let you go. "(Name), come, the cap is here." Your mother called from the house. "We will accompany you." Steve said and you three wandered to the street.

 

It was time to say goodbye. You hugged Steve first. "Don't get yourself in trouble, okay?" You said. He grinned. "I can't promise anything." You pulled out one of your marbles and put it in his hand. "Figured that." You smiled. You stepped to Bucky, he gave you one of his typical smirks. You hugged him too. "In twenty years." He whispered into your ear. You nodded trying to hold back the tears.

 

Your father put a hand on your shoulder. "Come on, (Name)." You let go of the boy and got in the car. You waved at them while you drove off. Now you let the tears flow. Your father turned from the front seat around to you. "Don't be sad (Name), we will start a new life and maybe you'll find even better friends than them." You shook your head.

 

"No, I won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any mistakes I made and tell me if I made some so I can correct them!
> 
> Don't forget to comment! Thanks for reading this!


	3. Strangers in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efPdeUVABBc

 

 

London, 1942:

You walked up the stairs to your parent’s apartment. Once you stood in front of their door you breathed out nervously, twitched the skirt of your uniform in the right place and pushed the doorbell. "It's open!" You heard the voice of your mother from inside. You opened the door and stepped inside. "Mom? Dad?" You roamed through the rooms. Your old nursery was still as it was when you moved out.

 

Exactly fifteen years ago you had stood right here examining your new room. As your father had foreseen, you had found new friends and learned to love London. Although you hadn't found something equal to the friendship Steve and Bucky you shared with back in the days. Still you sometimes wondered what they had become.

 

"In the kitchen, Sweetie."  You stepped in the room. Your parents didn't even bothered to look at you. Understandable, given the fact you visited them almost daily. "Do you want to stay for dinner or …" Your mother was cooking and your father read the newspaper. "Umm… No I… wanted to… say goodbye."

 

You haven't told them yet, that you were about to go back to war. After you took a grazing shot through your neck, which was luckily not deep enough to kill you, you were send home with a mention for your bravery. After a month of recovery, were you needed to be fed and spend the whole day in bed, you weren't able to fit yourself back in the normal world anymore. It just not seemed right to go on with your life after seeing the horrors of war.

 

Your parents looked up. Both their faces were shocked, they knew of your troubles but neither one of would have expected that you would make this choice. "Sweetie, why?" Your mother sobbed and hugged you. "Why? Why would you go back?" She cried in your shoulder. "I'm sorry mom, but I have to. And now there's no going back. Tomorrow morning I will catch the boat to Italy."

 

You felt so sorry, but you knew that your place was out there, with the troops, with those you lost and those you will lose. "Mom, Dad I will go back to war and there's nothing you can do to change my mind." Your father stood up and saluted at you. "My little girl, stepping into my footsteps. I must be the proudest father on earth." Your mother turned around. "How can you say that, Robert? What if she dies? She's not a man, not strong like a man!" You mouth opened in shock. "Hannah!" Your father shook his head and pointed at you.

 

Her gaze wandered between you and him. "I… I am sorry sweetie, but why the army? Why can't you just be a nurse?" You cleared your throat. "Mom, we've talked about this already." She nodded and hugged you again. "I just don't want to lose you." You hugged her back. "You won't mom. I can take care of myself." You mumbled in her ear.

 

 

You let her go and stepped in front of your father. "I'm not stepping in your footsteps, dad, I'm taking your place." Now he noticed your uniform. "Staff Sergeant (Name) Clarke of the 107th. Liaison between the army and the armed forces." You proclaimed proudly.  His eyes turned glassy, though you knew he wouldn't actually be going to cry in front of you.

 

The doorbell rang as you filled them in with the details. "I'll go." Your mother said and hurried to the entrance. "What will your task be?" Your father asked. You shrugged with your shoulders.  "Monthly reports to the armed forces, apart from that nothing special, like the last time only with Americans." He nodded, then looked up at you. "Promise me something, stay safe out there and don't do anything stupid okay?" You nodded. "And one more thing, please do not get yourself in trouble with the men." He grinned, knowing that you never would do something like that.

 

"(Name), here's someone for you." Your mother said entering the room. You turned around. "Actually Mrs. Clarke, I am here to take (Name) away. It's our last night here in London and we still have to find someone for her." Your best friend stood in the door.

 

Grace was all what your mother wished you to be. She was already engaged, served as a nurse and was determined to get you a man too.

 

"I'm coming, just let me say goodbye okay?" You said. She nodded. "But don't think you can run from me, (Name) and if I need to carry you on the dance floor, you will dance tonight." With that she turned around to wait outside to leave you and your parents some privacy.

 

You hugged your parents one last time. "Stay safe." Your mother mumbled in the crook of your neck. "Yes mom. You'll see in a year I'll be back. Maybe even sooner." You left with the feeling of stones in your throat. You would miss them, more than last time.

  


 

You followed Grace to the pub, where you two had worked as waitresses before the war had started. It was full of soldiers that were going to be shipped tomorrow as well. Even some Americans were there. Grace's fiancé, Andrew, had already saved a booth for you and your friends.

 

The time ran and soon Grace had persuaded you to dance with her. You took the male part and turned her across the dance floor and back. She trembled and nearly fell, but suddenly Andrew appeared behind her and caught her. "May I?" He asked. You laughed and nodded. "She's yours. You can handle her better."

 

You went to the bar to order another round when one of your friends leaned to the counter. "Don't look now but there at the end, the American soldier is staring at you since you came." Of course you turned around immediately, hearing an annoyed sigh from your friend.

 

The soldier smirked as he noticed you were looking at him. You had to admit that he was quite handsome, with his brown hair, that was carefully combed. The uniform he was wearing suited him. He waved at you but didn't bother to take a step towards you.

 

"What won't you talk to him?" Your friend asked lightly pinching your arm. You turned your back to the soldier and shook your head. "Nah, if he wants to speak with me, he's gotta take the first step." You took as much tankards of beer as you could lift and walked back to your booth along the side of the dance floor.

 

Back in the booth you watched Grace and Andrew dancing, but every now and then your glace wandered back to the American. Something about the way he leaned casually onto the counter, the way he smiled and something about his appearance seemed familiar. He caught you staring at him and smirked again, you turned away quickly, trying to concentrate on the conversation going on in the booth.

 

Grace and Andrew were doing twists and turns on the dance floor. They had much experience in dancing and never left out an opportunity to dance together. They were like one person, knowing each and every move of the other one before they even knew it themselves.

 

Before Grace had met Andrew, you hadn't believed in true love, it had just been a tale for you, but now it was something you dreamed of in secret. Just like all the other girls you sometimes imagined how it would be, to find the perfect one. You caught yourself dreaming and shook your head trying to get the thought off your mind.

 

The soldier made an afford to cross the room in your direction. You laughed at a joke someone in the booth made as he was stopped by another soldier telling him something. You looked up again and he was gone. Feeling a little disappointed you took a deep sip of your beer.

 

Later that night you were making your round to say goodbye to everyone. You have had a shot or two too many and felt a little dizzy, but you were still standing securely on your feet. Grace was the last one and embraced you with open arms. "Maybe we'll see each other." She mumbled, trembling a bit in your arms. You smiled. "Hope not. I don't really wanna wake up in a military hospital again, who would show the Americans how to fight, then." She giggled a bit and let go of you. "That's my girl, go out there and kick some ass for me okay?" You saluted. "Yes ma'am!" You laughed and turned around. "Goodbye (Name)! Be safe okay?" She called behind you. "Will do my best!" You said and turned around a corner.

 

Finally alone the faked smile you had worn the whole day faded away. The mask of happiness fell of leaving your real self, which you never showed anyone. Truth was, you weren't happy, you weren't really sad either, just empty. There was nothing in you despite the regret for those whom you couldn't save and those who were dead because of you.

 

Truth was, you weren't planning to come back.


	4. Reunion

Somewhere in Italy, 1942:

You stepped in the tent, they told you the captain was in. He stood with the back to you hunk over a map of the local area. Little red and blue flags were showing the position of the troops and the enemy. On the other side of the table another soldier was sitting in front of a typewriter, typing what the captain dictated.

 

"…as killed in action." He finished the dictation. You cleared your throat to call their attention. The captain turned around and scanned you. You saluted "Sir, my name is Staff Sergeant (Name) Clarke. I was sent here by…" you began but he cut you off. "Yeah I know, I know. Save your breath from these formal things, soldier, your gonna need it later." You relaxed a bit. He turned to the soldier sitting at the typewriter. "Get yourself a cup of coffee, Corporal." Immediately the Corporal nodded and left.

 

He turned back to you and examined you closely. "Sorry but, honestly I expected someone else to be the Sergeant Clarke, they praised so high." You nodded. "That's not the first time someone thinks I'm a man, Sir." His gaze stuck at the big scar on the side of your neck, where the bullet had gone through. "I see you have already gone through some things. That's good. I was told you don't have experience with leading a team, do you?" You nodded. "I have lead a fire team before but nothing more."

 

He nodded, his mind somewhere beyond the walls of the tent. "You'll get a squad of twelve men, mostly misfits and newcomers, but something tells me that you know how to handle them."

He was right. When you joined the armed forces no one believed that a woman could be able to be a good soldier. To gain their acceptance you needed to be at least the best, but you didn't became just the best, you were three times better than everyone in your training group.

 

"Yes, Sir. I will do my best." You looked down to your hands. "Figured that. I'll give you one of my best, just to be sure. I told him to wait at your tent." He scanned the tent for something. "I think that's all for now. You're dismissed." You nodded and turned to leave. "And Clarke…" He stopped you. "Welcome to the 107th."  A small smile tugged at the corners of your mouth as you left.

 

Back at your tent, luckily you were the only female soldier and had one for you alone, a soldier was waiting at the entrance. "I suppose you're waiting for me." You said as you walked past him. "I'm sorry but that's gotta wait, I have some work to do." You wanted to get over with the paperwork you had to do for the armed forces, before beginning something new. "I should've expected, that you would join the military, (Name)" He said as if you were friends. You turned around to him, recognizing him as the soldier from the pub back in London. "Excuse me, I believe we haven't talked before… how do you know my name? “

 

He smirked. "Observation and patience." You hated it when someone played with you like that. "Do I..." you began asking but he interrupted you. “What? You're really telling me you don't recognize your husband?"

 

You took a step towards him examining him closely. "Bucky?" The smirk he gave you cleared all your doubts. "How… Why... When?" You didn't know what to ask first.  "I was as surprised as you, when I saw you walking in that pub yesterday." For the first time since you woke up in the hospital you felt truly happy. "I thought I would never see you again." You felt a flutter in your stomach. "I…I missed you." You nearly whispered the last words. He nodded. "Me too."

 

His eyes looked into yours. For a mere moment you two stood there, looking at each other, until you broke the spell by blinking and looking down. "So…" you searched desperately for something to get you out of this awkward situation. “I still got some paperwork to do." You said pointing at the tent behind you. "Yeah, sure um… you said that." He looked as nervous as you felt. "I'll come back later." He said and turned to leave.

All hail the puberty, you thought as you looked after him.

 

It was already midnight as you were finished with all the letters and reports. You were exhausted and tired, but you refused to go to bed.

 

You dozed off every now and then while you waited. After what seemed hours, but just as well could have been minutes he finally showed up. "Sorry it took so long, but I bought something." He pulled out a bottle out of his uniform. "What's that?" You asked suspicious. "Whiskey. Thought we needed something to celebrate." You stood up and took the bottle out of his hand, examining it. You opened it, nosing its content. Definitely whiskey. "Where did you get it?" He smiled lifting his eyebrows proudly. "I have my sources." You looked at him. "You know I could report you for this." You took a sip, feeling the warmth in your throat. "Yeah sure." He claimed as he sat down. "So do you want to tell me how you've been or not?" You hauled the typewriter away from your desk to make place. "First you need to tell me how you recognized me. I mean it's been fifteen years, we grew up. I look totally different now."  You took another sip and handed the bottle to Bucky. "I think it was the nose." He said tapping on his own nose.

 

"Liar." You accused snapping the bottle out of his hand before he could drink something. "No lie, I swear!" He laughed. "Now give me the bottle."

 

You two talked until late in the night, you felt dizzy and warm from the alcohol. "So, you wanna tell me where you got this from?" He said pointing on his throat, where your scar was. You grazed it and looked down. "I am sorry, shouldn’t have asked that. Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable." You smiled, still a gentleman, you thought. "No it's okay. It's just it's not really the story you think it is." You sat up and took a sip from the now nearly empty bottle. "Okay um… we were on the battlefield, there were more of them than we were, but the situation was under control. Then there was this idiot, he was maybe eighteen, thought this was all a game, that he could save the day by running out of cover and just shoot everyone in his sight. So, he ran out and nearly got shot in the head, I ran after him and hauled him down, caught the bullet and nearly choke on my own blood. Three weeks later I woke up in a hospital needing to be fed and not able to speak. All I can remember is the smell of blood and mud and the image of soldiers running past me." 

 

Through the whole story you couldn't look at him. "Wow that's actually a hell of a story." You looked up and smiled. "You haven't heard the bad part yet. When I woke up they told me that they found out that the boy was a spy from the German science division, "Hydra" I think. On his next assignment he killed his fire team and fled over the lines. They send me home with a mention for bravery. I think they expected me to stay there, that I would be glad to be out of this." His brows were drawn together as he examined you. "Why did you come back then?" He asked. You shrugged. "Once I was back, I had to pretend things never happened, I tried to forget what happened. But I couldn't do that not with a war still going out there. So I packed my things and came back." You could see the doubt in his face, he knew you weren't telling him the whole truth, but wouldn't question you any further. You sat up on your chair and tossed the now empty bottle to him.

 

"Enough of the depressing talk." You said and tried to stand up. As you were on your feet you lost balance and fell back in the chair. "Okay I'm more drunk than I thought." You tried it again, grabbing hold onto the desk. "Me too." Bucky said stumbling over his own feet. "I think I should go now." He walked over to the tents entrance. He saluted at you with a grin. "Good night staff sergeant." He said and walked out.

 

You remained still for a moment and smiled. "Good night, Buck. Glad to have you back."


	5. Teambuilding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some fluff in this chapter... There will be more in the next! PROMISE!

  
After you arrival at the camp you worked to set up a proper team, which wouldn't get into a fight as soon as you looked away. Your squadmades were odd but after a while you learned to trust them.  Corporal Timothy 'Dum Dum' Dugan and of course Bucky, were the ones you trusted most.

 

It wasn't easy at first to establish a certain kind of reputation in the camp. Being objectified was familiar to you, but it still was annoying and somehow it hurt you somewhere deep down. There were still the nurses, to whom you could go, but your pride wouldn't allow it.

 

But after the first mission completely under your command no one doubted your abilities. Roughly three weeks after your arrival the mission was to ambush a convoy of trucks. They were on their way to a secret location. Objective of the mission was to find out where and what the purpose of this base was.

 

Along with four other squads you waited for the convoy to come. It was your group's job to start the attack. You took your field glasses and looked around for your squad. You split them into fireteams of three, every team with a special purpose. Two teams, including yours, were waiting in the brushwood at the sides of the street. One, Dum Dum's, waited a little more ahead planting explosives to stop the first truck. At last there was Bucky's team, which was positioned off the road.

 

He had the two youngest (you wanted to keep them as far away from the battle as possible) with him and was able to oversee the whole situation with his sniper rifle. Finally Timothy signed you that his team was ready and Bucky gave the sign that the convoy was getting in sight.

 

As much as he could see there were three trucks guarded by a car full of soldiers in front and at the end. "Tell them." You ordered one of your soldiers, who was waiting next to you.

 

He turned around to the other squads, which were waiting deeper in the woods and informed them using the arranged signal. As the first vehicle neared to the imagined line where the explosives would go off you started a countdown in your head.

 

3..2..1..

 

Bucky's POV:

She was the calm center of a storm as hell broke loose. As enemy soldiers rushed out of two trucks and blue light came out of their guns instead of bullets, vaporizing the soldiers into dust, (Name) stayed put analyzing the situation. I saw through the scope that she was focusing something.

 

As I looked up I saw what the target was. The truck right in the center of the convoy was not loaded with soldiers. But it seemed that the enemy was protecting it. Suddenly she stormed directly on the battlefield. "Sergeant!" One of the soldiers beside sat up. "I see it. Sit down goddammit. They will see us." I spat, shocked he sat down.

 

I covered her best I could, shooting three men directly through the head. As soon as she reached the second truck she hid under it. No she was just a few feet away from her target, but there were two enemy soldiers blocking the way. I tried to aim at them but from my position the second truck blocked me.

 

She crawled out from underneath the truck and ran towards the first soldier, skillfully dodging the light streams. She shot him right in the chest and used his body as a shield. It vaporized into dust as the first shot hit it, but she didn't give the other one time to shoot again. (Name) pulled out a knife and threw it, hitting her target right in the chest. She then disappeared inside the van.

 

"Wow. Impressive." The private next to me said. "Yeah. Figured that." I replied the, sight hovering at the trucks entrance. "So you know her." What was she doing inside that thing? "I don't know when we got that close, private but yes I know her. We were childhood friends before she moved to London. Not. What. You. Think." Maybe I was rude but I was stressed and she just wouldn't come out.

 

Finally I saw a man stumbling out of the van. She followed him and hoisted him up. She interrogated him directly then and there. "Sergeant." The boy next to me pointed at one enemy soldier. It seemed he noticed her and slowly approached. "Sergeant!" I tried to take him down but one of the trucks was blocking me. "I see it! The truck's blocking me."

 

He was coming closer, directly in her sight but she was focused on the man she was speaking with. "Come on, come on (Name). Can't you see him?"

 

Your POV:

You stepped inside the truck seeing tons of crates and boxes. You looked around and opened one of them. Inside were some kind of machine, you weren't sure what it was for. You were about to leave as you heard rapid breathing. "Hello?"

 

You turned its direction and slowly stepped closer. "I am not going to hurt you, if you will come out now and speak to me." You waited, but the person wouldn't come out. "I'll count down from ten. If you won't come out I'll see myself forced to act. Ten, nine, eight.." You heard the creaking noises the wooden floor made as the person shifted. "Seven, six, five, four…" You took out your gun and released the safety catch. "Three, two one."

 

Before you could do something, a man in a white lab coat ran towards you, screaming something like a battle cry. He had a rifle and shot randomly. You dodged the bullets by ducking, when he was in reach you made him fell by sliding your foot behind his legs, sweeping him off his feet. You quickly stood up and disarmed him, taking out the magazine and throwing the rifle away.

 

He got to his feet and ran towards the entrance. You followed him, stepping out. He stumbled and Fell into the dirt. You grabbed his dress Shirt and pulled him up. "I'll not hurt you if you cooperate. Just answer my questions. Where were you exactly headed and who are you working for?"

 

The man looked at you with hatred. "I will not fall for your tricks. You little bitch." He seemed to chew on something. "Hail Hydra." He said as foam appeared at the corners of his mouth. His glace became unsettled and he died right in your grip. Disgusted you let him fall.

 

Even before the body hit the ground you heard a loud noise and you felt an air draft at your neck. You looked up, staring directly into the eyes of an enemy soldier who must've been sneaking up behind the now dead man, he was terrifyingly close. A round bloodstain emerged directly over his heart and he fell to the ground.

 

Shocked you turned around to thank the shooter. Bucky simply nodded and laid down to proceed. You nodded back and made your way to help the others with the rest, still confused about what just happened.

 

***

 

Hours later you sat together with your men celebrating your little victory. The trucks were filled with weapons and the losses were minimal. You let your mind wander, thinking about who the man in the lab coat was and why he had killed himself. It wasn't the first time someone from the 107th tried to take someone as prisoner, with the same outcome, but these were always soldiers, who were ordered to do this, but a scientist?

 

You caught Bucky staring at you or were you staring at him? It was too easy to lose ones self in those grey-blue orbs. You shook your head and banished the thought from your mind. It seemed like something was troubling him, he wasn't as talkative as on other days. You were about to stand up and ask him as another soldier required your attention.

 

"Nice trick you pulled off back there, ma'am." The private said. "What do you mean?" You asked. Everyone had gone silent by now, curious about what he meant. Your mouth was still half full, but you didn't mind speaking, you were in a military camp now was not the time to act all ladylike. He mimicked the movement you made when you threw your knife. "That knife throwing thing, ma'am." Now the men turned to you. Shrugging, you poked your food with the fork. "Oh, that… yeah picked it up at some point. Can't remember when." You said and continued to eat.(

 

You knew they all wanted a show. You decided to give them what they wanted, after such a day they had earned it. They cheered as you stood up and pulled your knife out of your boot. You scored a cross into a pine close to the others and took a few steps back, casually spinning the knife between your fingers. You placed its blade between your middle and index finger and aimed.

 

You gained applause as the knife stuck in the tree. It wasn't directly in the center but more than an inch deep and you had to push a foot against a tree to pull it out. Dum-Dum stood up and walked to the pine to examine the deep scratch closer. "Got a problem, Corporal?" You asked as you sat down. "That didn't looked that hard." He said. You raised an eyebrow. From the corner of your eye you could see that a little smirk appeared on his lips. He knew how you handled someone questioning your skills. "Do you wanna try?" You asked and held your knife out for him. "Yeah. But I'll take my own knife." He pulled his knife out and stepped where you stood.

 

He mimicked the movement you made when you threw yours. With a clang the knife fell to the ground. The others laughed and applauded. "Didn't you said you were some kind of circus clown, Dum-Dum?" One asked, but the corporal was too busy laughing about himself to answer. "Okay here's a little challenge. I bet that none of you are able to get the knife to stick. And I mean really not just a sec and it falls off. If I lose, one round in the next bar goes on me. If you all lose, I will never pay for any of my drinks from now on." The men cheered and began.

 

The smirk on your face grew wider every time you heard the noise of the knife falling to the ground. You switched seats so you sat next to Bucky, he watched the others carefully analyzing their every movement. "Why don't you try?" You asked him, applauding as the next one failed. "Oh, I try to think realistic. I won't get that thing to stick." You slowly nodded and looked around, seeking a way out of this awkward silence. "You know…" You started, but he had the same idea so the two of you ended up laughing. "You first." You decided. And let him speak.

 

"Why are you doing this?" He asked pointing at your squadmen. "It's called teambuilding. Get them to work together here and they'll get along better when it counts." You watched them exchanging strategies and tactics, laughing with each other. "Also..." You continued explaining "I don't have that much money and don't wanna sit on the side." He smiled. "So your sure you're going to win?" You leaned back. "Oh yeah, as you said we need to stay realistic none of them are going to manage that and honestly I counted you as the biggest threat."

 

"Oh really? Well than it's my duty to bring you back down to earth." He had that smirk again, last time you saw him smiling that way the two of you married with gummy rings. "How about another bet? Just the two of us. I bet that I'll hit the cross, are you in?" You watched the others try and fail, some didn't even hit the tree. "I'm in. What's the price?" He looked at you for a moment before speaking. "The loser has to do something the winner wants." You agreed with a handshake waiting for his turn.

 

Finally he stood up. He was the last one to try, the others cheered for him as he was their last chance for a free round. He slowly raised his arm like you did. He threw it better than the rest, but not good enough.

 

You hadn't counted that he would hit the cross, but he did it, cheering for his victory. The soldiers did not understand why he was happy but just went with it. After a while you pulled him to the side. "So what do you want?" He smirked again, like he knew something you didn't. "Oh I have something in mind." You rolled your eyes. "Goddammit, Bucky tell me or the next week will be pure hell for you." He crossed his arms.

 

"I thought of a kiss."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized too late, that I made a little mistake. The Colonel in this chapter is the same person as the Captain in Chapter 4. He was supposed to be a Colonel from the beginning, but well maybe he got promoted. :/

"I suppose you're not thinking of a kiss on the cheek." You said, one part of you was panicking, embarrassed and maybe even scared upon his answer. Still somewhere in your chest you could feel the speed of your heartbeat increasing. You let nothing of what was going on inside you come out and stayed at least from the looks calm.

 

"Exactly." His smirk even widened and he tapped a finger on his lips. You sighed and shook your head. "Listen, I don't have time for this. I still have a report to write and I need to finish it until evening. We can deal about this then." With this you turned on your heel and walked as fast as you could to your tent.

 

The last days you had spent too much time thinking about him and you needed some distance to consider how you would deal with him, with this. It only took days to grow as close to him as you were then and it scared you. You did not come here to find friends and you didn't want to grow that close to someone, it just meant that you would leave another empty spot in someone’s heart. You weren't sure what was happening, but you knew that it had to stop and a kiss, though just a lost bet wouldn't really accomplish that.

 

You turned on the radio as loud as possible without being disrespectful. The thoughts rummaging in your mind just needed to be suppressed while you wrote. Your fingers furiously hammered into the typewriter, until you made a mistake. You sighed massaging your temple. 'Come on. Get your stuff together.' You thought as you erased the mistake.

 

You hadn't noticed how long you sat there until a yawn interrupted you. It was close before midnight and you were painfully late. The report should've been send with today's or more like yesterday's evening mail. You typed a few last words before ripping the paper out and carefully placing it in an envelope. You placed the required postmarks on it and hurried to the mailbox.

 

When you had dropped it off you decided to take a little walk around the camp, enjoying the fresh air. "(Name)?" You heard Bucky calling you from behind. You pretended you didn't hear him and kept going. "(Name)! I need to talk to you." You kept going. "Bucky, can this wait I am really tired."

 

He ran until he was walking next to you. "Buck, I…"  You wanted to explain, but the words stuck in your throat. "Not about the bet." You stopped and looked at him. "Alright tell me, but make it quick. I really want to sleep." Suddenly he was acting nervous, looking around. "Can we go somewhere else? Somewhere more private?" He asked. You didn't have the time to ask him why, when he grabbed your arm and dragged you out of the camp. "Bucky, could you stop?! Where are you going? You're hurting me, goddammit!" You complained. When he finally let you go you had to massage your arm where he seized you. "What the heck is wrong with you?"

 

He leaned back against a tree. "James, you might not care about your career, but I definitely do and I don't want to get in trouble for this! There are people on watch out here and if they detect us out here, God knows what they would think." He didn't seemed nervous at all. "Calm down there's no one here." You didn't even try to do as he told. "And how do you know that?" You crossed your arms in front of your chest. "I know that because I am the one on guard right now." Confused, you looked at him, only soldiers of the lower ranks up to corporals were supposed to be in guard shift. He rolled his eyes by your look. "An asshole was begging for it."

 

"Begging for what? God, Bucky what have you done?" You were annoyed by those outbreaks, Bucky had every once in a while. He massaged his temple. "Would you please listen to me?" He said, a trail of annoyance in his voice. You lifted your hands. "Alright, I'm listening." He sighs before pushing himself off the tree. "I wanted to talk about today, what happened on the battlefield." You frowned. "I don't know what you mean. Everything went fine. We stopped the convoy, got information and the casualties weren't higher than expected..."

 

"If you define nearly getting killed as fine, than you're right." He scoffed. You could feel the anger rising up your throat. "I wasn't nearly killed I had everything under control." He muttered something under his breath. "What?" You asked annoyed. "I said that it didn't look like you had everything under control! You were careless and you refuse to admit it!" The louder he got the more his Brooklyn accent got thicker. "I wasn't careless Barnes! I was focused, I was doing my job!" He flinched when you said his last name. "Oh yeah? Than it was your job to not recognize a threat even if it walked right through your sight, huh?"

 

Your anger was burning inside you, who was he to judge your actions? "No! It was my job to get information! That's what I was told to do! I was prepared that someone might sneak up on me!" By now you were at the point where you shouted at him, not caring if anybody would hear you. "It sure as hell didn't look like you were prepared! If I wasn't there you'd be dead by now!" He was flexing his fists, giving you the most intense glare you'd ever seen from him.

 

"Wow. And now I'm supposed to thank you or what?! I don't even know why this bothers you! My methods are none of your concern, sergeant!" With that he lost it, he grabbed your upper arms forcing you to look him in the eyes. "BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU!" His nails dug painfully into your skin, leaving marks.

 

You bit your lips and took a deep breath through the nose, releasing it through your mouth to calm down. "Alright." You said in your normal voice, wriggling free from his grip. "I'll set you in my team. You can watch my back without ignoring your orders. But I don't want to hear a single complaint about my methods again. Are we clear?" His mouth opened, but he didn't say anything. When he realized how he was staring at you he  quickly shut it and nodded.

 

"Well, I hope you're happy 'cause you just got me hours of extra work and planning, thank you for that." You said and massaged your arms. "Thank you." He said. You smirked. "That's more like it. I'll go back now." You turned to go but after a few steps you stopped. You turned again, going back to him.

 

You seized his collar and pulled him closer to you, closing the already small space between the two of you. He needed a moment before he reacted, but then he deepened the kiss. Letting his arms slide around your waist, he pulled you closer to him. Your hands traveled up around his neck, as you smiled into the kiss. His lips were softer than you thought but it was no surprise that he was a good kisser.

 

You knew this was wrong, but you didn't care as long as this stayed here and never happened again. After a bit too long time you broke away, setting on your serious face. "That was for the bet." You said before turning on your heel and heading straight back to the camp, leaving him with the biggest smirk you had ever seen on him. But you had to admit it was the best kiss you had in a long time.

 

\------------

 

The next weeks went through without any problems. Neither of you ever spoke about the kiss again, though you had the feeling something had changed, still you were relieved. You were still thinking about him, but it was easier, Bucky was closer to you, not just mentally, physically. Whenever you were in public he was around or the other way around, something was drawing you to each other, you weren't sure if it was a good change or a bad one. Considering the battlefield it was definitely a good one, you were a good team. You could fully concentrate on what you were doing and even ended up saving his live more than once.

 

You were studying the map, biting on your lower lip. You were in a meeting with the other squad leaders and your commanding officer. "Sir, I really don't think it is a good idea to move this soon." You looked up only to see two other leaders frowning at you. "Why? Last patrols never found a trace of any enemy activity." One of them said, giving you a questioning look. Another one, one you knew was an asshole, smirked. "Yeah, why sweetheart?" You ignored him. "That's what I mean. A few weeks ago there was heavy resistance and now nothing, why?"

 

Your superior looked at you. "They are retreating." You pointed at a road on the map. "This is where we ambushed the convoy, all it had was carrying was scrap metal and some machines we don't know the purpose of. Somewhere here…" Your finger traveled up the road. "Must be something, a factory perhaps. In every way something, which should be protected at any cost, so why are they retreating now?" You asked. The asshole laughed. "'Cause they abandoned it, honey. And we scared them off."

 

You sighed. "They didn't. As you already know Colonel, there's been resistance all around this location, why would they let us through now? And why only us? They need something from us, this is a trap." The colonel looked at you and placed one of the little flags where you pointed. "If there is an important factory, shouldn't this be all the more reason to take it from them?" One said. "I agree, the sooner we take it from them, the better." The others nodded.

 

"We can't just go there and take it! This is a trap and we are walking blindly into it!" You say clenching your hands into fists. "Aww, are you scared? Do you need me to comfort you?" The asshole said, smirking at you. Your nails were digging into your hand and you were close to sticking your shoe so deep in his junk, he wouldn't produce any other assholes in this life or in the next.

 

The colonel cleared his throat to turn the attention to him. "Quit it Johnson, this is not kindergarten." He said to the still smirking man. He then addressed you. "Clarke, if this was on you, what would you do?" You were surprised, he was really asking for your opinion. You took a deep breath to gather yourself. "If it was my call, I'd wait for reinforcements and make a plan with everything, air support… tanks… anything that makes us no cannon fodder."

 

"We can't afford to wait that long, whatever they're doing in that facility, it is important to them and that means it's important to us." One said, the others mumbling in agreement. "Sir, we cannot send the soldiers knowingly into a death trap." You argued. This discussion was going into the wrong direction, you could feel it. "The soldiers know what they were up to the moment they signed up and we don't even know if this is a death trap." Your opponent countered. "This is war, decisions must be made and even if they're hard ones." The conversation turned heated as the rest began discussing as well. You crossed your arms. "Not if it's a stupid decision." You stated coldly.

 

You could see how the corners of his mouth twitched up. "I am not the one with a track record of making bad decisions." You stiffened, you knew this would come up, still it caught you off guard. It felt like someone punched you in the guts. Your opponent smirked at the effect his mention had on you. "I did my homework." With that he turned to the Colonel. "Whatever you decide to do, Sir. Me and my team are happy to oblige." You rolled your eyes and looked to your superior.

 

He was took his time evaluating, before he looked up. Everyone stopped arguing, waiting for him to say anything.

 

"We head out tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry that I have left this for an entire year. Please forgive me. 
> 
> So, since it's been so long and two movies have appeared since I last updated, I decided to make some changes in the story. There might be some things I mentioned in earlier chapters I won't pick up on anymore, since they won't work with the new plot. Also this chapter will be slightly shorter than the rest. 
> 
> I sadly can't say when the next update will come but chapter 8 is already in progress.

After three more hours of planning strategies, you stepped out of the tent. On your way to search the rest of the squad, Timothy joined you. "Tired are we?" You frowned. "If the others would stop crawling up the colonel's arse, it wouldn't be so exhausting." You could hear Dum Dum lightly chuckling. "So, what is the plan, ma'am?" 

You massaged your temples. "Gather everyone and I will tell you." You ordered and continued walking. You heard voices cheering and after you walked around another corner you saw a crowd of soldiers. You made your way through them, stopping when you reached the center. Two men were lying in the dirt, brawling from the looks of it. Their backs were turned to you, so you couldn't see their faces. One gained the upper hand and punched the soldier under him twice. "You wanna say that again, you son of a…" Before he could end his sentence, the other one grabbed his shoulders and turned him, sending both rolling in the dirt again. You made your way around them, so you could identify the groaning and grunting mess on the ground. 

The other one managed to get on top and smirked. "Come on, admit it she's your bitch isn't she? Or are you hers?" An angered growl could be heard from the man below, you cursed when you saw who he was. "Shit, it's Bucky! Help me seperate them!" You said to the Corporal, who was still behind you. Bucky was on top again, striking out his fist for another blow. Before he was able to punch, you and Timothy grabbed his shoulders and roughly pulled him away from his target.

"Looks like the little bitch came to pick up her pet!" The man scoffed, standing up. You knew that he was one of the recent arrivals, who got ruled out from some ominous program. You had an idea why. Bucky bristled with anger, trying to escape Timothy's grasp but the bulkier build man had him secure. 

"Hey, you know we were talking 'bout you and your effort for your little puppy over there. He doesn't like it when I talk about you." The blonde man scoffed. You tried to swallow your anger and remain calm. "What's your name, soldier?" You asked coldly. He smirked. "Gilmore Hodge, at your service." He introduced himself, doing a mock salute. "Hodge, you should stop lying. It's not good for your health." You said, a fake smile on your lips and turned to go. Exchanging confused looks, the crowd parted for you.

"Hey! Is it just your Loverboy or do you fuck the whole squad?"

Without hesitating, you walked back with quick steps and backhanded him. His hand shot up, covering his brightly red glowing cheek. "You will pay for this, you little..." You didn't even bother to let him end the sentence before your fist collided with his face, a delicious crack coming with it. He bowed down, hands flying to his nose. "Fucking bitch!" He cried, going down to his knees, blood quickly emitting between his fingers. 

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to suppress a satisfying smirk. You held two fingers under his chin, slowly raising his head to face you. "Let me see." You said coldly. When he refused you added: "That's an order." He let go of his nose, pursing his lips like a grumpy child. The blood was coming from it in small rivulets. "It's broken. Get to the infirmary." You ordered and let him go. "You two!" You addressed two random soldiers. "Would you please take him there and tell the nurses about what happened. Say that Staff Sergeant Clarke sends her regards." They hurried to you, took Hodges arms and walked him to the infirmary. 

When they were out of sight you looked around. The crowd was dissolving, now that there was no more entertainment. You turned to your men, who had gathered around Timothy and Bucky. "The colonel has decided to head out tomorrow." You started to fill them in with the details. 

"You're all free for the rest of the day. Take the time to cool off and don't do anything stupid." You let your gaze wander over them before saying: "You're dismissed." They were wandering off, Bucky following them.

"Not you, Barnes." You stopped him. With a sigh he stopped and turned back to you. The other men gave him apologizing looks as they left. "Follow me." You said coldly. You let him to your tent and beckoned him to step inside. "What was that?" You demanded.

"He was talking shit about you." You crossed your arms in front of your chest. "And...?" He looked at you questioningly. "He was actively provocative. He deserved it, he called you a bitch, even worse before you went between us." 

"So, you knew that he was provoking you, knowing that you'd snap at some point and you didn't just leave?" Your voice was getting louder with every word. He stepped closer to you. "Yes, (Y/N)! I knew what he was doing, but he called you a..."

"Do you think that was the first time someone called me a bitch?!" Your nails were digging into palms again. He opened his mouth but you wouldn't let him speak. "Do you think that I need some kind of protection? Do you think that I cannot fend for myself?" 

Again, you wouldn't let him speak. "No Barnes," you emphasized his name, "I won't hear any excuses. What you did was... Ugh! I served longer than you have, Bucky, I have held myself up against worse men than Hodge. I don't need you running around, beating up anyone that gives me a strange look."

"Someone has to teach him a lesson. He's a bully, (Y/N)!" He argued. "That's not your job!" You cried out. "Besides all you do is brawling with him, teaching him a lesson would mean getting the better of him! You beat up whoever doesn't fit you! You know what those people are called? Bullies! You aren't any better than him!"

After a long break you sighed, initial rage gone, you sat down on your bunk. "Fuck, Bucky, you were always the tame one. You always got out of an argument with wits rather than violence. I thought you weren't like those other blokes. I thought you see more in me than a damsel in distress. Guess I was wrong." 

He didn't say anything, hurt evident in his eyes. For a while both of you just looked at each other. "Permission to leave, ma'am." He asked coldly. You sighed. "Permission granted."

He left without a word, his fists clenched. You buried your head in your hands. "What are you doing (Y/N)?" You asked yourself out loud. Friendship with him used to be so easy back in the day. Now your feelings were conflicted and complicated.

You heard someone enter and looked up. The Colonel was mustering you, his hands behind his back. You quickly stood up and saluted. "Sir." You acknowledged him. "I heard Barnes participated in some kind of fight today." 

"Yes, Sir. He and Hodge were brawling. I will ensure that Barnes will be disciplined appropriately." You clasped your hands behind your back. "What was the cause?" You remained in a stiff posture. "Hodge was talking ill about me, sir." You answered honestly. "I see." He began slowly pacing up and down the tent. "You and Barnes seem to be very close." You bit your lip. "Barnes and I were childhood friends before my father was ordered back to London." 

"I trust you know the rules concerning fraternization." Your eyes widened, you had never really considered the rules, it had just never been something to consider. Since there were very few women in the military and same sex relationships were a general tabu anyway it was never a matter to be discussed.

"There is nothing to be concerned about. There never happened nor will there ever happen anything between us." You spoke firmly. His eyes narrowed as if he was trying to decide whether you were telling the truth or not. You yourself weren't even sure, but you held his gaze. "Good." He finally said, "I will leave you to it then, sergeant." 

As he left you let a breath out you didn't realize you've been holding. You were exhausted and a headache was creeping up behind your brows. You decided to go to sleep earlier than usual. Really sleeping however was hard, your mind was all over the place. 

After hours of turning in your cot your eyes finally fell shut and you drifted into blissful unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't forget to comment!


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